Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
