I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
