i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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