Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
