matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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