even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
