therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
