your room smells of hookers.
And success
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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