Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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