apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
