i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize