i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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