I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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