there's paper in my vomit.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
