so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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