Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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