she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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