This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
