I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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