Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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