I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
