..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
