i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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