I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
