My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
