when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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