i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
