i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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