I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
