I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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