There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
