when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
