Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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