The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
smell my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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