Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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