Can i not drive my cunt home
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize