Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fuck your aforementioned shoe
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
