tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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