i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
