its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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