when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
