She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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