omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
