Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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