When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
