I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
