i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
