There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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