Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
