I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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