im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
