So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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