I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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