yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
