Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
