I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
