May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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