We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
