So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
