Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
