It's Friday. Sex?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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