i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
