Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
