Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
