we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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