Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
