is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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