Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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