Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
