Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
