my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
