I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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